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Top 5 ‘Worst WrestleManias of All-Time’ #4 – WrestleMania VII



The Best and Worst of WrestleMania

Top 5 ‘Worst WrestleManias of All-Time’ Number Four

WrestleMania VII – Los Angeles Sports Arena – Los Angeles, California, 1991

The opening is Vince doing a voice over of a Hulk versus Slaughter graphic with the classic WrestleMania theme in the background.

Willie Nelson sang American The Beautiful. As this was in the waning days of the First Gulf War, the crowd is extra patriotic here.

Gorilla Monsoon is on commentary, and he introduces Hacksaw Jim Duggan, who is dressed as Uncle Sam, who would fill in for Bobby Heenan for the first match.

They then go to Sean Mooney (now a newsman in Phoenix), who interviews the Rockers. Marty said that they had been defying odds since birth and would do it again. Shawn said that would take care of business.

The Rockers (Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) vs. The Barbarian and Haku (with Bobby Heenan)

Shawn and Haku start. Haku is controlling things with his power early until Shawn hits a big shoulder tackle. Marty comes in and they hit their classic double hiptoss/double elbow and nip up spot, only to have barbarian run them down with a double clothesline. The Rockers came back with a double superkick and the heels went to confer with Heenan. Barb and Marty then faced out. Barb dominated until Marty went for a sunset flip. Barb tried to punch him and missed Marty went for a hurricanrana, but Barb caught him.

Shawn came from behind and dropkicked him in the back and Marty hit the move for a two count. Barb cut him off with a headbutt, then tagged in Haku for a double headbutt. Marty went for a rana on him, but the ref stopped Shawn from coming in, and Barb came and they hit a double hotshot on Marty. Haku hit with a back elbow and tagged in Barb. They took turns pounding him. Marty hit a cross body block for a two count, but Haku came back with a pair of backbreakers. Barb covered for a two count, then went for a bear hug. Marty fought out, and went for a second rope crossbody, but got caught in a powerslam. Barb then went for a top rope headbutt, but Marty got out-of-the-way. Shawn made the hot tag, hitting a Flying back elbow and a series of punches on Haku, and a crossbody on Barbarian. The Rockers hit a sunset flip/clothesline combo for a two count. The Rockers double dropkicked Barb to the floor and hit a double clothesline on Haku. Marty hit a missile dropkick on Haku, then Shawn hit a Flying Bodypress for the win.

Winner: Rockers via pinfall

Mean Gene Okerlund then interviewed the special guests-Regis Philbin, Marla Maples (the second ex wife of the current POTUS), and Alex Trebek. Philbin talked about having the guys on his show, but admitted that he was scared of Earthquake. Marla babbled and Alex confused Gene with the phrasing of all the question.

Dino Bravo (with Jimmy Hart) vs. The Texas Tornado Kerry Von Erich

Heenan is now on commentary. Damn Kerry was over. Bravo jumped him before the bell. Kerry tried to fight him off, but Bravo clotheslined him over the top to the floor and worked him over on the floor, then tossed him back in the ring. It was all Bravo throughout the match. He hit his sidewalk slam for a near fall. Bravo came off the second rope, btu Kerry caught him in the claw. He held that hold for a minute, then nailed his discus punch for the three count. Alright.

Winner: Von Erich via pinfall

Sean Mooney and Gene Okerlund conducted dueling interviews with Warload and the British Bulldog. Bulldog had Winston the Dog with him. Each basically vowed to put the other away with their finisher.

British Bulldog vs. The Warlord (With Slick)

Warlord is so huge. He even makes Bulldog tiny. He tried to bully Bulldog early, but Bulldog knocked him over with a shoulder block and Warlord took a powder. He came back in and Davey Boy went for a crucifix but Warlord caught him with a Samoan Drop, then hit him with a series of elbowdrops. Warlord then locked in a Bear hug. Davey fought out of the hold, but ran into a clothesline. Davey tried to fight back with some rights, but then Warlord hit a Belly to Belly suplex, but locked in a chin lock instead of going for a cover. Davey fought out the move and broke out, hitting a headbutt, a dropkick, and slamming his head into the buckle ten times, but he couldn’t put him down. A second rope clothesline couldn’t do it, but a cross body block finally did for a two count. Bulldog went for a piledriver, but Warlord blocked it and went to for a backdrop, but Davey went to counter into a sunset flip, but Warlord fell down and posed for a two count, but Davey rolled him up for a two count. Warlord caught him with a boot in the corner and locked in his finisher, the Full Nelson, but he didn’t have the fingers locked and Bulldog broke the hold. Warlord tried to recover with a slam, but Bulldog floated over and somehow got the huge man up for the big running powerslam for the three count. Not a bad little hoss match.

Winner: Bulldog via pinfall

Mean Gene then interviewed the Nasty Boys. Knobs had a great line about ending the stink in pink and said they would crack the Foundation. He then stole Mean Gene’s hanky and blew his nose on it. Mooney then interviewed The Hart foundation. Hart called them scum and said they had no hart.

The Hart Foundation (C) (Bret Hart and Jim The Anvil Neidhart) vs. The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobs and Jerry Sags) (with Jimmy Hart) for the WWF World Tag Team Titles

Damn the Foundation was over. They show Maculy Culkin in the crowd when he was at his peak. Sags and Bret started the match. Sags cheap shoted him and went to work, but Hart caught him with a Thesz Press and a series of rights, then a reverse atomic drop on Knobs. He slingshotted Sags back in the ring when he tried to escape, then hit him with his trademark stomp to the gut. Damn, this guy is ready for a push here. Knobs tagged in and asked for the Anvil. Anvil tagged in and hit a hip toss and a shoulder block on Knobs theat knocked him clear out of the ring and he nailed Sags. He worked on Knobs arm, but raked the eyes and tagged out, but Anvil decked him. Bret tagged back in and hit a 10 punch in the corner, a Russian Legsweep , and a second rope elbowdrop. Knobs came in to the stop the pin. Bret decked him, but Knobs came from behind and nailed him. Sags clotheslined Bret tot the floor. Anvil briefly chased Jimmy Hart around the ring. Sags whipped him into the buckle hard.

The fans are way behind Bret. Sags hit a backbreaker for a two count, then locked in a reverse chinlock. Bret tried to fight out, but Sags pulled him down by the hair and tagged out. Knobs went right back to the hold. Sags tagged back in and hit a neckbreaker for a two count. Sags went back to his hold, but Bret finally got out and hit a neckbreaker of his own. He got the tag, but the ref didn’t see it . Knobs hit a series of elbows to the back and went back to the hold. Bret finally managed to pick Knobs up and drop back with a slam.  The Nasties tried to double team. But Knobs missed a big splash in the corner and Bret hit a clothsline Bret got the tag but the ref missed it again. He finally managed to lure the Nasties into a collision and finally tag the Anvil. He slammed Knobs into Sags and hit them with a double clothesline. He clotheslined Sags for a two count, then hit a big powerslam, but Sags broke up the pin. The Nasties collided again and Bret nailed Jimmy Hart. They hit the Hart Attack in the ring on Knobs, but the ref was busy crowding Bret out. Meanwhile Sags took Jimmy’s Helmet and nailed Anvil with it and puts Knobs on him for the pin. New champs!

Winner: Nasties via pinfall

We then get a video they showed the history between Jake the Snake and the Model Rick Martel, which began Martel sprayed him the perfume in the eye, blinding him on the Brother Love Show. This culminated in the infamous BlindFold Match.

Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts vs. The Model Rick Martel in a Blindfold Match

What there is to say about this match. THEY ARE BLINDFOLDED! The crowd is going nuts though. Jake managed to follow their screams to Martel, but misses. Martel gets up, but trips over Jake. Jake manages to cover for a two count, but Martel slips out and starts pounding him. Martel whips him in and goes for a backdrop, but Jake runs right past him. They are lost again. They grab around for each other and back in to each other, but then go run and Martel hit the ropes and bumps. Jake follows the crowd to Martel, but Martel grabs him and bodyslams him, but totally misses the elbow drop. More of the same. Martel accidentally grabs the ref. Jake lures him in and circles around to take his back and Martel goes to the ropes. Martel accidentally goes to Damian in the bag. More of the same. Roberts managed to grab him and slap on a headlock, but Martel throws him off and they collide and Jake falls to the floor. Martel follows and grabs a chair, but swings at the post and not Jake. They get back in the rind Martel hit a backbreaker and locks on the Boston Crab, but Jake fights out. He finally finds Martel and hits a DDT! Jake has to find him to cover him and gets the three count.

Winner: Jake Roberts via pinfall

Post-match, Jake brings out the Snake, but Rick manages to slither out of the ring and escape.

Marla Maples got stuck in the middle of the Nasty Boys and the rest of Jimmy Hart’s stable celebrating with champagne. Damn.

The Undertaker vs. Jimmy Superfly Snuka

Taker gets a decent pop here even though he’s been in the company in five months and he’s a heel. He just has something. Paul Bearer’s facials are awesome. The Phenoms, old and new, face off. Taker got the jump on him quickly, pounding him slowly and choking him, before whipping him into a flying clothesline. Snuka reversed a whip, but ran into a boot and Snuka went to the floor. Taker brought Snuka back in with a delayed suplex, but missed an elbow drop. Snuka finally got in some shots, but missed a big charge and hit the top rope and went out to the floor. Snuka tried to get back in the ring and him with a headbutt and went for a springboard, but Taker caught him and drilled with a Tombstone Piledriver for the three count.

The Undertaker gets his first WrestleMania win, but it’s not like he’ll get twenty more in a row or anything. Oh wait…

Winner: Undertaker by pin in just over four minutes

We then get the Warrior-Macho King history package, which includes Warrior denying Savage a championship match, and Savage nailing Warrior with his septor during his WWF title match with Sgt Slaughter, costing him the belt.

As Fink prepared to announce the match, Bobby Heenan pointed out something on his monitor – Elizabeth sitting back in the crowd. Not in the front row, but near the entrance. Almost anonymously.

The Ultimate Warrior vs. Macho King Randy Savage (with Queen Sherri) in a Career Ending Match

Macho and Sherri were carried out on their throne. Warrior, for the first time, doesn’t run down to the ring, but only goes crazy when he gets close to the ring. His ring gear is amazing. So is Macho’s for that matter. Macho got the jump on Warrior early, but ran into the shoulder block. Sherri distracted Warrior so Savage could come from the back, but Warrior nailed him with a clothesline. Warrior picked him up the throat and tossed him to the mat, then nailed him with atomic drop. Warrior picked him up by the throat again, but then tossed him into Sherri. Warrior tied Savage into the ropes and pounded him.

Macho finally kicked away a backdrop to stomp the momentum. Savage nailed him with a clothesline and went for a Flying Bodypress, but Warrior caught him, but instead of slamming him, Warrior put him down and slapped him. Savage tried to bring in a chair but the ref took it away. Savage went right at the Warrior, who decked him with a series of right hands. It was all Warrior until he missed a charge in the corner and fell to the floor. Sherri nailed him on the outside, then Savage came off the top with a double axhandle.

Sherri went back on the attack, and Warrior started no selling, but Macho came from behind. Macho then threw him into the post, then Sherri came and kicked him in the gut. Savage hit a body slam and a kneedrop for a two count. Warrior came back with backslide for a two count. But he want crazy on a shoulder block and missed. Savage locked in a chinlock. Warrior eventually fought out and hit a shoulder block, but then they collided on a clothesline and both men are down. Warrior caught Macho in a small package, but Sherri had the ref and it was only two. Warrior tried to go after Sherri, but the ref stopped him, and Savage high kneed the warrior into the ref. Savage then grabbed and held Warrior so Sherri could come off the top with her shoe, but Warrior moved and hit Savage. Warrior chased Sherri and finally caught her, but Macho rolled him up for a two count. Savage hit his over the top clothesline and a bodyslam for a two count. Savage then proceeded to hit five consecutive top rope elbow drops. Five!  Warrior then kicked out! Savage tried to stay on the attack, but Warrior began shaking the ropes and doing his thing. Warrior hit a trio of clotheslines, the big gorilla press slam, and the splash, but Savage kicked out! Warrior then looked up to the sky, asking for answer from the gods, and even teased getting up and walking away. While he was postering, Savage got up and nailed him. Savage then draped him throat first over the guard rail and then goes for the double axhandle, but Warrior got out-of-the-way. Warrior then threw Macho in the ring and him with three big shoulder tackles, then placed one boot on him and got the three count.

Winner: Warrior by pinfall in just over 20 minutes

Post-Match, Warrior put on his duster and ran around the few times and left. Sherri then came in and the ring and started kicking the crap out of Macho. Elizabeth ran down from her spot in the crowd, climbed in the ring, grabbed Sherri by the hair and tossed her out of the damn ring. Elizabeth tried to help him, but he almost nailed her when he saw her. The ref seemed to fill Macho in what was going on, as he feigned he had no idea. The crowd is going nuts here. When Savage finally hugs her, the crowd exploded. Women were crying everywhere. Hell, my eyes are a little watery. The happy WWE fan you see in all the memes is here. Savage then lifted Liz on his shoulder. Elizabeth tried to hold the rope for him, as she had so many times before, but Savage held the ropes for her, and the crowd exploded again.

Then we basically have what amounts to an intermission. If only the show could have ended now.

Regis tries to interview the Undertaker, who is measuring from a casket. Then he tried to interview Tenryu and Kitao, but they don’t speak English. Racism ensures. Alex Trebek meanwhile has to meet Damien.

Demolition (Smash and Crush) (With Mr. Fuji) vs. Tenryu and Kitao

Kitao started with Crush. Kitao hit a high knee and a series of forearms, but Fuji hit with his cane, and the former champions went to work, Kitao is a big dude and his rep for being one of the stiffest wrestlers ever. He doesn’t do a lot of selling, as Demolition took turns pounding him. Kitao finally hit a clothesline on Smash and got the tag to Tenryu, who came in throwing chops. He dropkicked Crush and slammed Smash, but missed a backwards flying elbow. Crush got the tag and hit a backbreaker on Tenryu. Smash tags in and they try to go for their finisher. Kitao literally stumbles in to cut him off, but Crush throws him to the floor. They went for it again, but Kitao shoved him off the top. Smash tried to go after him, but Tenyru hit an enzugiri, then hit a powerbomb for a three count. Eek!

Winner: Tenryu and Kitao via pinfall

Bossman then was interviewed by Mean Gene, who did his standard interview full of cop terminology and terms. Mooney then Mr Perfect and Bobby Heenan. Heenan actually makes a reference to freaking Rodney King and basically implies that Mr. Perfect will beat him worse than the police beat King. How has no one ever brought this up! WHAT THE F**K!

Big Bossman vs. Mr. Perfect (C) (with Bobby Heenan) for the WWF Intercontinental Title

Lord Alfred Hayes filled in on commentary. Bossman is probably in his best shape ever here.  They took turn throwing the towel at each other before the match started. Perfect slapped him and tried to take a powder, but Bossman followed him out and decked him. Back in the ring, Perfect reversed a whip, but Bossman slipped under the bottom rope, but came back in the ring and nailed with a clothesline in an incredible spot. Perfect took a powder. He came back in the ring and Bossman was right on top of him, but Perfect avoided a charge and hit a few chops, but Bossman reversed a whip and Perfect took a front roll. Bossman hit a sit down splash in the ropes and then took his belt, and whipped a few times before the ref finally made him get rid of it.

Perfect got back in the match as they traded big shots, but Perfect went to the gut, then whipped Bossman hard into the corner. Perfect used a chinlock and used the ropes for leverage, but the ref made him break it. Perfect then went to an abdominal stretch. Bossman didn’t submit, so Perfect released the hold and hit a dropkick for a two count. Perfect let loose with some chops, then hit his trademark snap neckbreaker. Perfect went for the Perfect Plex, but Bossman blocked it and grabbed a small package for a two count. Perfect then hit standing blockbuster for a two count. Perfect tried to come off the top, but Bossman got a boot up. Bossman started throwing Perfect around, and then pulled him crotch first into the ring post. Bossman peppered him to the body, then sent over the top with an uppercut. Bossman went after the Brain, but Perfect came from behind and threw him into the steps. Heenan got in some cheap kicks, but then Andre the Giant came down the ramp. Meanwhile, Perfect has taken a top turnbuckle. Perfect is trying to stay on Bossman, but is distracted by the Giant, who had grabbed the IC Belt. Perfect was bent out of shape about this and got too close to him, and Andre nailed him. Bossman stumbled to a cover, but Barbarian and Haku ran down to cause the dq.

Winner: Bossman via DQ

Afterwards. Andre pounded Perfect, then Bossman and Haku. Andre and Bossman shook hands on the outside.

Earthquake (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Greg The Hammer Valentine

Mean Gene then interviews the current POTUS again. Can’t we get away from this guy. He then talks to Chuck Norris, Lou Ferrigno, and Henry Winkler. Meanwhile, Valentine is in the ring, doing everything he can to knock over Quake. He finally puts him down with a second rope elbow, then hits an elbow drop. He tries to apply the Figure Four but can’t put it on. Quake pulls him down by his hair and hits a big elbow drop, then hits the big Quake Splash for the pin. Yeah, whatever, you’ll pay to go see it.

Winner: Quake via quick pinfall

The Legion of Doom (Hawk and Animal) vs. Power and Glory (Paul Roma and Hercules)

Hawk double clotheslined them. Hawk and Herc fought to the outside. Roma tried a cross body block, but Animal caught him with a powerslam. Then he lifted him up for the Doomsday Device for the three count. That’s It.

Winner: Legion of Doom by pin in just under a minute

We then get a Million Dollar Man-Virgil highlight video, going more to the recent history, and to the Royal Rumble, where Virgil nailed DiBiase with the belt to Roddy Piper screaming on commentary. Piper then led Virgil to an upset win of Haku, then costed DiBiase a win by countout. It had all come to this.

The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil (with Roddy Piper)

Piper was on crutches from an accident, apparently a legit one. Virgil came out to new music. Virgil then used his footwork, switching stances to land right hands. He scored a several knockdowns, causing DiBiase to go out and take a powder. They finally lock up, but Virgil took him down from behind. But then DiBiase finally closed the gap and took over. DiBiase slammed his head into the mat repeatedly, then whipped him into a backelbow, then into a clothesline. It’s a testament to how good this angle was done that the crowd is solidly behind Virgil. DiBiase then broke his big moves-hitting a piledriver, a vertical suplex, and a gutwrench suplex, but he was looking for the pin. DiBiase threw him to the floor and worked him over, then shoved Piper over the chair when he got smart with him and Roddy took an amazing bump. DiBiase whipped Virgil into a powerslam, but the crowd was not chanting for Roddy who was doing his best to get up, and then he used his crutch to pull down the top rope when DiBiase came in. DiBiase dropped Piper again, but he wasn’t paying attention and he got counted out.

Winner: Virgil via count out

Post-match, DiBiase slapped the Million Dollar Dream on Virgil, but Piper managed to get in the ring and nail DiBiase with his crutch. Piper was rearing back for another swing, but Sherri came down and took the crutch away. Piper glared at her, and DiBiase nailed him from behind. DiBiase and Sherri were putting the boots to him, and DiBiase was hitting the knee with the cane. DiBiase and Sherri worked him over until Virgil got up and grabbed the crutch and chased them off. Piper then made a hell of a show of getting up, refusing the refs help. Virgil then got the mic and yelled at Piper to get up and he finally managed to pull himself up.

Sean Mooney then interviewed the champ, Sgt. Slaughter. They showed when Slaughter burned a Hulk Rules shirt, which done in place of burning the American flag, which he refused to do. Slaughter then talked about how he was in charge and that they played by his rules. Slaughter then implied that he would intentionally be counted out or disqualified to retain his title, all in the name of screwing over Hulk and America.

The Mountie (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Tito Santana

Santana nailed Mountie with the Flying Burrito and Mountie took a powder. He went after him and was bouncing him around the ring until Mountie grabbed his cattle prod and hit Santana in the gut with in for the three count, That’s the whole match. F**k Me, Right? Have the Mexican American lose in Los Angeles in a minute.

Winner: Mountie by pin in just over a minute

Mean Gene then interviewed Hulk. He said he wasn’t afraid Slaughter’s new rules and that he would have to tear his heart out and America’s heart for him to win the title, and that he would be a victim of twilights last gleaming.

Sgt Slaughter (with General Adnan) vs. Hulk Hogan for the WWF World Heavyweight Title

Alex Trebek was the guest ring announcer. Marla Maples was the guest timekeeper, and Regis joined the Brain and Gorilla on commentary. Hogan’s American flag had gold trim on it, which signifies martial law in certain cases. They looked to test each other’s power early, until Hogan hit a shoulder block that sent flipping over. Sarge took a powder, and Hogan went after him. Slaughter tried to grab a chair, but Hogan took it and tossed it away. Slaughter then went to the eyes, and started pounding. Slaughter nailed him with a clothesline and went to work over Hogan, until Slaughter missed an elbow. Hogan whipped him into a clothesline, then nailed Adnan. He whipped into a running double ax for a two count.

Hogan was bouncing Slaughter around, including hitting a high knee to the back and catapulting him into the ringpost. Hogan nailed him with 10 punches and a clothesline in the corner. Hogan dropped a pair of elbows and tried to go off the top, but Adnan grabbed his leg and Slaughter slammed him off the top. Slaughter clotheslined him over the top rope, and for whatever reason, Slaughter nailed him twice in the back in the chair and the ref didn’t say anything??? Slaughter threw him in the ring and stated working on the back, then locked in Boston Crab. Hogan was right by the ropes, but took forever to reach out. Even Regis thought that sh*t was weird. Slaughter worked him over a bit and hit a top rope knee drop, but Adnan still had the ref and a two count. Slaughter then nailed him with a chair in the head, and you can actually see Hogan cut himself with the blade. The only time I’ve ever actually caught someone doing it.

Slaughter then hit a short clothesline and locked in the camel clutch. Hogan’s arm went down twice, but he found himself and lifted Slaughter on his back and ran towards the corner, but Slaughter jumped off and threw him into the buckles. Slaughter then grabbed the Iraqi flag and covered him, but Hogan woke up and Hulked up. He ripped the flag to the pieces, and you know what happens. Three right hands, a boot to the face, and a legdrop and Hogan is the champ again.

Winner: Hulk by pin in twenty minutes and twenty-six seconds

Post-match, well, Hulk Must Pose, even with blood. POTUS looked on from the front row, smiling…

Why This is the Fourth Worst: Here’s the thing with this show-if you had cut it off and ended the show after Savage-Warrior, it would have been a really good two-hour show, but that last hour killed the show.  Useless, short matches, racist interviews, and a show that was an hour too long. The main event should go down as the worst WrestleMania main event of all time. By now, it was clear Hulk’s act was old and needed to change, and the obvious blading and overbooking was just pure crap. Watch the show for the first two hours, and then do yourself a favor and turn it off.

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