It is wildly apparent that some of WWE’s brightest stars are on the outside looking in when it comes to merchandise. While stars like John Cena and Bayley have up to a dozen different shirt options (accompanied by bracelets, hats, shorts, shoes, headbands, etc) other stars suffer in sales due to limited options or even worse, a simplistic or unappealing design one wouldn’t spend 25 dollars on. While browsing today, I decided to compile a list of the worst shirts on WWE’s website to see if my claims were true. Without further adieu here are a few good examples of WWE burying a superstar in sales without even knowing it.
I loved when Heath Slater got over as a “free agent” looking for a home. Since teaming with Rhyno and forming “Beauty and the Man Beast”, Slater has seen somewhat of a career resurgence and fans have once again taken a liking to him. From interrupting Brock Lesnar to badgering the Smackdown brass, Slater looked primed to lead this into a singles run. It’s too bad the company he works for decided the best course of action for his career was an “I Got Kids” tshirt…a shirt that doesn’t have Slater’s name, picture, logo, any trace of him at all on it. $25 and you basically get a plain black shirt with a quote on each side that just so happens to have a WWE tag on the bottom. Seems like a good way to reward a guy who managed to get over on his own two legs, wading through the muck of atrocious creative decisions and making the best out of it. On the back it does say “I need this job”, ironically a silent jab to the hardworking superstar who may not have it much longer through no fault of his own.
2) No Way Jose “Stop Sign” Shirt
No Way Jose sends the audience into a dancing frenzy every time he comes down the aisle, making me wonder if this shirt is a subliminal message to what the company wishes him to do. (Stop it, Jose). On the front is a stop sign with the wrestlers name in place of the word “STOP” and on the back, the quote “Bienvenidos ala Fiesta” (meaning “Welcome to the Party”). What a horrible shirt to be stuck with. I am one of the biggest wrestling fans I know and I don’t know a single person who has purchased this shirt even on select days where they sell these shirts at half off or better.
Were all too familiar with WWE’s slogan for Nia Jax, the head shaking “I am not like most girls”, a slight slap in the face to the superstar in my opinion. How is Nia not like the others in the women’s division? She’s a hard worker, she travels, she puts in the same amount of time as everyone else. She just so happens to be bigger and taller than the others in RAW’s women’s division, leaving me to wonder if WWE really thought people would view that slogan any other way than “Look everyone, Nia looks different”. While the “I’m Not Like Most Girls” shirt makes sense to me (as it’s the slogan they are running with), the men’s alternate version simply says “I’m not like Most…” as if it is trailing off trying to find a noun to stick behind it. The jury is still out on this one, so WWE is content with “I’m not like most”. Seems to be.
4) Jack Swagger “We the People” Shirt
Apparently the appeal of this shirt was supposed to be the fact that they legitimately traced both Swagger’s arm and hand to create it, but in reality it doesn’t stop the shirt from sucking any less. I don’t know a person on the planet who would pay $25 hard-earned dollars for this mess. Kudos to the kindergartener with a broken hand they commissioned to do this one, though I do admit it is very entertaining to see Swagger make his entrance and find the traced version of his arm with his actual arm without even trying during the “We the people” portion of his gimmick.
This thing is no longer available in the WWE Shop, but it lingered so long in the clearance section that it occasionally creeps into my mind and makes me dry heave when I think of it. The dark shirt is still brighter than whoever’s idea this monstrosity was and it baffles me that this was given a go as an acceptable piece of merchandise. I don’t know what is worse…wearing this shirt or being saddled in a tag team with Fandango where you are forced to dress like stripper cops, watching every bit of your true potential go to waste. Here’s to you, generic brand Dolph Ziggler.
Currently WWE is running a sale where you can get 40% off certain shirts, so if anything on this list strikes your fancy, pick it up today. Personally I wouldn’t buy any of these no matter how much came off the price. What is your take on these shirts? Did I get it wrong? Sound off in the comments or be sure and follow @NicholasGrooms on twitter and if you enjoy what you are reading follow @Wrestling Desk and @FightBooth.
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