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“Dude! Where’s My Wipes?”



dudewipesLess than 2 weeks ago, MMA fans were subjected to UFC 174. On paper, the card was average at best. However, it failed to even live up to mediocre standards. The main card boasted 4 decisions, 1 injury tko, and reports of fans leaving the arena during the main event title fight flooded in. There was 1 moment during the main card that got MMA fans buzzing. During Rory MacDonald vs Tyron Woodley fans took to social media and began tweeting feverishly. Yes, Rory MacDonald put on an amazing performance and was on point, but that wasn’t what the masses where talking about. The logo on Woodley’s shorts became the hot subject that fans actually could talk about on this card. Just like that, Dude Wipes was trending worldwide.

Social media exploded. For the first time that I can recall during my tenure in the MMA business, a sponsor was a worldwide trend. I’m still not sure what UFC sponsors Dynamic Fastener, Lexani, or Kaiwaa actually are, nor have I ever looked them up to see what purpose they serve. You can bet that as soon as I saw Dude Wipes, myself and apparently their target audience went straight to the internet to see what exactly they were.

The human posterior isn’t genetically compatible with having a wad of paper jammed up it and used like sandpaper. The French have it right with the creation of the Bidet. If you don’t know what that is… it’s a toilet in reverse, where the toilet pisses on you. Why the US hasn’t adopted it is beyond me. But, I digress. Since toilet paper is so abrasive we have baby wipes, for their sensitive behinds. That’s great and all, but what about adults?

The guys at Dude Wipes seem to be on the same page as me on this. After complimenting them for the marketing that they did during 174, a friend of mine said he knew the guys at Dude Wipes and he’d send me a care package. I was like a kid on Christmas when I received my box of D Dubs! My 12-year-old son asked what they were and I said they were baby wipes, but for dudes. He immediately knew what I meant because since he was a baby, our whole family has used baby wipes. It’s 2014 and I needed something more adult and for a dude. This is the perfect marriage.

It may seem silly to people without kids, but for the last 12 years we use baby wipes but can’t flush them. 90% of them are not biodegradable or flushable. A wastebasket full of shitty wipes is a real conversation starter when grandma comes over. Not really. Dude Wipes are made for men and ARE biodegradable. Guys are so sensitive about their public image to their peers and don’t want to seem soft. Tell you what… If I could sit on a bidet and have a Dude Wipe pat down after, I’d do it in Times Square. Laugh at me all you want, but my ass would be the one smiling. So are the guys at Dude Wipes, because they seem to understand that we are men, yet we still like to have good hygiene. I mean, when your company is about making a man’s ass smell good, you have to have a sense of humor! Right?

“We’re men, okay? That means a few things; we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we like to go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do.” – Dale Doback