Connect with us

MMA

The Fight Wolff’s Crazy Predictions for 2014

Published

on

ufcstraws

The Legendary Sean Sheehan is eerily accurate with his bold predictions. I do much better with crazy predictions. I have done my best in the HOV-MMA staff picks when the events have had some of the crazier outcomes. So, I believe in playing to one’s strengths and since crazy is what I do best, here are my crazy predictions for 2014. Since this is MMA there will definitely be some crazy things in 2014. Also, like most crazy people every once in a while I stumble upon a few nuggets of sanity. Sane or insane, here they are for your enjoyment.

Jon Jones will lose to Glover Teixeira and a distraught and Jones obsessed Alexander Gustafsson then loses his fight with Jimi Manuwa. This sets up Teixeira and Manuwa for the title and we get Gustafsson and Jones 2 as a number one contender fight.

I will predict nine different winners for TUF 20 in this article.

Speaking of TUF, I predict that Chael, and Wandy do their version of “Putting on the Ritz” from Young Frankenstein.

Tecia Torres will win TUF and be the first strawweight champion when she scares the rest of the fighters by never sleeping during their time in the house. Despite no one ever seeing her sleep she still outworks everybody exhausting even the cameramen.

Speaking of not needing sleep the Barao versus Cruz fights turns into a scene from, “From Dusk Till Dawn.” They are defeated by Team Alpha Male with Faber in the Clooney role.

Bec “Rowdy” Hyatt will win TUF 20 and be the first UFC strawweight champion, giving the UFC two women champions both with the nickname Rowdy. Also, Hyatt has not had a chance to fight since her loss and she will be itching to play punchy face and someone will pay.

At the end of the 2014 the UFC champions will be; Strawweight- Stephanie Eggink, Bantamweight- Ronda Rousey, Flyweight- Demetrious Johnson, Bantamweight- Urijah Faber, Featherweight- Chad Mendes, Lightweight- Anthony Pettis, Welterweight- Robbie Lawler, Middleweight- Ronaldo Souza, Light Heavweight- Daniel Cormier, and Heavyweight- interim champion Mark Hunt, Heavyweight – Cain Velasquez.

TUF 20 will have some of the best fights in the history of the house. This one is not crazy but will happen.

Chael and Anderson Silva open up the first in a successful chain of Brazilian Steakhouses called Sonnen and Silva’s House of Steak. Cookbooks and sauce lines follow leading to their own cooking show in the Food Network. Ess normil Steak Suace and the Ka-Boom Ka-Bobs are big sellers.

Tiffany Van Soest becomes the Invicta FC Flyweight Champion while retaining her Lion Fight Title making her a dual champion.

Miriam Nakamoto recovers from knee surgery and fights Lauren Murphy. That fight is one of the greatest in the history of the sport.

At the end of the year Shannon Knapp announces that she is leaving MMA to run for president of the United States. Her running mate will be Tommy Toehold.

Felice Herrig will use her reality show experience to capture the first UFC strawweight title when she wins TUF 20. She almost does not pull it off as she struggles to come up with new outfits for her fights in the house.

Georges St.-Pierre goes on Dancing With the Stars and wins. He also falls in love with his dance partner, they get married and she gets pregnant by the end of the year. He officially retires.

Floyd Mayweather fights Manny Pacquiao.

There are no judging controversies of any kind in all of combat sports.

Tim Kennedy will become obsessed with Anchorman 2 and start to think he is Ron Burgundy. While this does cause problems in his personal life, his career in the octagon will flourish. His wins become awkward as he insists asking Joe Rogan and Jon Anik questions instead of answering theirs. This leads to a successful career in politics after MMA.

Joanne Calderwood KO’s her way through the house and is the new UFC strawweight champion. She continues to scare and freak the house out with her shy niceness until the weigh-in. From then until the end of the fight she is like an eagle locked in on her prey waiting for that opening.

Inspired by GSP and his success, Anderson does the second season of Dancing With the Stars and insists on doing Michael Jackson songs and dances. Ed Soares is there to translate Anderson into English and logic as usual.

I prove that Tommy Toehold is indeed Dana White. Either that or he is Ben Affleck. He could possibly be their love child.

Rose Namajunas uses four different flying submissions to win her fights in TUF 20 and capture the first UFC strawweight title.

Ronda Rousey, Miesha Tate and Tom Cruise remake Cocktail only it is called Cupcake. They also open up a chain a dessert boutiques called of course Cupcakes and Dreams.

Roy Nelson comes out with a mens grooming line of care products. Including the best-selling Roy Boy body balm. This leads to his new segment on UFC Tonight, their version of What Not to Wear featuring Roy and Cody McKenzie.

Carla Esparza use her wrestling and love of cookies to win TUF 20 and become the new UFC strawweight champion. The Cookie Monster plants cookies around the house causing the other fighter’s energy levels to go up and down like a trailer park kid’s.

Ronda Rousey, Jessamyn Duke, Shayna Baszler and Marina Shafir as the four horsewomen of MMA take over the sport. Shafir also defeats Cyborg to win the Invicta FC featherweight title.

Vitor Belfort releases a workout Bluray called Vitor’s Spinning and Ducking your way to a slim waist. This also leads to a segment on UFC Tonight where he calls out Jane Fonda, Richard Simmons and Jack Lalanne for ducking him.

Claudia Gadelha wins TUF 20 and becomes the first UFC strawweight champion when she Hulk smashes the house and the other strawweights in it.

Sherdog attains Wikipedia like accuracy pertaining to fighter’s records and weight classes.

To end the year Anthony Pettis and Jose Aldo have a Bane and Batman like battle that will go down as one of the greatest fights ever in the UFC.

Nick Diaz hears about Vitor’s Bluray and releases his own called “No Spinning Shit” and a second one “Why Spinning Shit is Bad for You.” They both are just him and Nate talking about why they don’t like spinning shit in fights or on the dance floor.

Someone not ranked yet will win TUF 20 and become the first UFC strawweight champion.

Shogun discovers TommyToeHold’s Shobane and believes that he is Shobane and starts wearing the mask everywhere.

2014 will be the best year in combat sports history. Enjoy!

An avid lifetime fight fan who loves to write about it. So kick back, get comfortable and let's have some fun! "Wants me to tell him something pretty." Al Sweargen "Going wrong is not the end of fucking things, Johnny. Fuck no! I have comeback from plenty of shit that looked like it was going wrong." Dan Dority "Deserve's got nothin' to do with it." Bill Munny

Trending