UFC 188 is one of the more under-hyped cards this year. Especially sandwiched between UFC 187 and UFC 189 two of the more anticipated cards in recent history. To make sure you are hyped about UFC 189 the UFC has spent the most amount of money they ever have promoting a fight. All of the sudden here is UFC 188 sneaking up on us but don’t fear FightBooth and The Fight Wolff have you covered.
Now some people do a lot of research, they watch past fights on Fight Pass and You Tube of the fighters. They compare and contrast styles and make their picks. One example is Matt LeBlanc’s Kountermove preview. This is different. I will use a complex system that will include, numerology, astrology, astronomy, bio-rhythms, nickname anagrams, VooDoo, Kung-Fu Movie Titles, snap-decisions, emotions and how likely Goldberg is to mis-pronounce their name.
Warning: Using these picks to bet will either make you look like a genius or a fool. There is no middle ground. Most likely a fool though and you will probably see your money leave your hands.
Cain Velasquez vs Fabricio “Val Cavalo” Werdum
Cain has no nickname while Fabricio’s is “Val Cavalo” which apparently means “go-horse.” He was given the nickname because as a child it was all he could say for the first seven years of his life. This was after the horse he was given for his second birthday ran off during his birthday party.
The winner of this fight should get a new nickname as well as the real actual UFC heavyweight belt. Cain is a beast that we have forgotten about while Fabricio is just the guy who does what seems impossible. The first guy to defeat Fedor and most recently knocked out Mark Hunt.
Prediction: Fabricio first hurts Cain with a Flying Knee of Death and then submits him on the ground. Fabricio via submission in the first.
Gilbert “El Nino” Melendez vs Eddie Alvarez
Melendez is “El Nino” while Alvarez comes in also nicknameless. El Nino apparently means the nine baby winds that come together to form a hurricane. That sounds pretty devastating and destructive to me. El Nino is an impressive nickname while Alvarez cannot be bothered with one. Even though, with a first name like Eddie there are so many options.
In this fight El Nino also means “slightly better” as Melendez is just slightly better everywhere than Alvarez everywhere.
Prediction: Melendez and Alvarez put on a technical version of Melendez and Diego Sanchez with Melendez winning via UD.
Kelvin Gastelum vs Nate “The Great” Marquardt
This fight is taking place at middleweight but both have fought at welterweight. Well, Kelvin Gastelum has contractually fought at welterweight but rarely actually at that weight. His opponent Nate Marquardt had to move up because his beard weighed too much.
Gastelum not only has lost to the scales but he also lost he last fight to Tyrone Woodley. Well, at least on two of the judges scorecards as the other judge and many fans saw it for Gastelum. He needs this win at middleweight to have any chance to move back into the welterweight title picture. Which of course makes perfect sense in today’s UFC.
Marquardt’s nickname is “The Great” which is a solid basic one. Gastelum had a nickname but he ate it. Normally I like to go with the fighter with the nickname but in this case Gastelum is hungry while Marquardt is old.
Prediction: Gastelum via a first round submission so he can get to the buffet table quickly.
Yair “El Pantera” Rodriguez vs Charles “Boston Strong” Rosa
Now this is a fight! Two great nicknames in “El Pantera” and “Boston Strong.” Rodriguez is tough but unfortunately for him when you combine “El Pantera” and “Boston Strong” you get loss via triangle-choke.
Prediction: Rosa will choke Rodriguez like the Boston strangler and will be too Strong for him. Rosa via a triangle-choke in the first round.
Tecia “The Tiny Tornado” Torres vs Angela “Overkill” Hill
Someone’s O has to go. Technically both of them lost on TUF but that is the land where losses do not count even though everyone saw them lose. It is because we have seen them both lose that we forget this is a fight between two undefeated fighters.
Fortunately the UFC has chosen to use their TUF uniform pictures for their UFC pages. Not only do the uniforms look like something out of a poorly designed 1970 rural middle-school but they also make it look like they both have neon-penises. Making this fight much weirder than it needs to be.
This is my upset special of the night. Normally a “Tiny Tornado” will takeout most other nicknames but that is too much alliteration for Torres. While Hill counters with “Overkill” which is short sweet and rhymes. I like it.
Prediction: Hill via a KO in first by knee to the liver.
Henry “The Messenger” Cejudo vs Chico “The King” Camus
Camus’ nickname is “The King” but “The Lamb to the Slaughter” would be a more appropriate one. The UFC would like him to be quickly silenced by Cejudo who is “The Messenger.” This is so they can make a title fight with Demetrious “Mighty Mouse” Johnson.
If Cejudo has nothing to say, no message for the masses, then the flyweight division may be doomed to obscurity. However, if he can get a spectacular finish then we could finally have a challenger for “Mighty Mouse.”
Prediction: Cejudo fulfills the promise and gets a TKO win in the second via ground-and-pound. Meanwhile Goldie and Rogan combine to mention Cejudo’s Olympic background 27 times during the broadcast. This will be three more than their previous record set during Sara McMann’s last fight. Cejudo via TKO in the second.
Efrain “Hecho en Mexico” Escudero vs Drew Dober
In this one we have Escudero brings his “Hecho en Mexico” nickname with him to take on Dober who is without one. Normally I like the fighter with the nickname but in this case I have to go with Dober. Escudero won his season of TUF and his next fight but since then has gone 2-5 in the UFC. Double D Dober is seeking revenge for his last fight and will not let this one be decided by judges or referees.
Prediction: Dober via a second TKO
Alejandro “Diablito” Perez vs Patrick Williams
This is an easy one to predict. It will be FOTN and have the fans roaring throughout the fight. This will be a back and forth battle that will be won by “Diablito,” which is a badass nickname.
Prediction: Perez via UD
Francisco “Sitkayan” Trevino vs Johnny “Hollywood” Case
In this case I have to go with Case and his nickname of “Hollywood.” No one really knows what “Sitkayan” means and that only causes confusion. However, there is no confusing just how good of fight this will be. This will be another early contender for FOTN. Trevino is a tough hard-case while Case is a hard tough fighter. The result will be an exciting fun fight.
Prediction: Case via TKO in the third round.
Augusto “Dodger” Montano vs Cathal Pendred
This will be the first of the fights to set the tone for FOTN. Montano is a “Dodger” who is looking to go 2-0 in the UFC and Pendred is trying to erase the awful memory his UD loss to Sean Spencer. Wait! What?! Oh yeah he won that fight but Joe Rogan thought otherwise. This meant that a lot of other people also thought he lost that fight but judges did not.
This has led to Pendred leaving his home country to seek truth, meaning and a way to avoid the judges and the judging voice of Rogan. Pendred journeyed to Mexico to train for this fight. He has emerged a hungrier and leaner fighter. He is ready to prove that he is more than Conor McGregor’s teammate.
Prediction: Pendred via TKO by ground-and-pound in the second round.
Gabriel “Moggly” Benitez vs Clay “Cassius” Collard
Collard easily wins the battle of the nicknames as “Cassius” is way better than “Moggly.” He will also win this fight. Collard was impressive in his loss to Max Holloway. He then followed that up with a win over Alex White. Look for him to notch his second win in the UFC.
Prediction: Collard via TKO in the first round.
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