The Fight Wolff’s Fast and Fearless Fight Picks for UFC Fight Night Hollywood,FL

This card is barely brought to you by the United States highly efficient Visa Department. This is a good news/bad news kind of situation. On the one hand, there are fewer fights to pick and therefore fewer fights for me to pick incorrectly. On the other hand, there will be fewer fights to watch on Saturday.

While Visa issues screwed up several fights that were to be on this card, do not worry, there are still plenty of fighters you do not know on it.

Normally, you would want  to weigh a card like this heavily towards the Brazilians on the card – if it had taken place in Brazil. Instead, it is happening in Hollywood, FL.

This is due to SuperCalo successfully arguing that it would be unfair to have persecuted Cuban fighter Yoel Romero fight in front of a hostile Brazilian crowd. More UFC fighters might want to take note of the power of attorney/dishwasher/nutritionist to the stars from the favela by the way of Cuba.

Besides changing the venue for this fight card, he is also responsible for Stipe Miocic getting his title shot over Andre Arlovski. If you want something done in the UFC then SuperCalo is your masked man.

If you need any more proof, then know that Chad Mendes reached out to SuperCalo, and Frankie Edgar did not. Now, Mendes is blocking people on Twitter like a boss and is just one violent Jose Aldo sneeze away from fighting for the real interim title, against the one true champion and king of Westeros, the first of the Andals and kicker-of-asses, Mr. Conor McGregor.

Before we get to UFC 189 though there is this little nine-pack of a card on Fox Sports Something.

The system for this week is very simple due to the late nature of the card being finalized. I will of course use nicknames, whether or not I have seen them fight, if I remembered their fights and of course the Rory MacDonald scale.

The Rory MacDonald scale is very simple. A fighter is awarded points based on whether they would be Rory’s victim, help him kill the victim, just help him hide the body, help him hide the body and become the next victim or turn Rory in.

Again, proceed with caution when using these picks to place your bets. The value is yours to find but first search within. The smart bettors will know how to use these picks correctly. Understand these picks are for entertainment value much in the same vein as Las Vegas, McDonald’s and Wal-Mart are entertaining.

Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida vs Yoel “Soldier of God” Romero

This is a main event! “The Dragon” taking on a “Soldier of God” to remain relevant in the middleweight title picture.

A lot of people are picking Romero in this one. I get it, he looks like he would help Rory kill the victim, hide the body and go out for drinks. At first glance it looks like Romero is the pick with his scary scowl but then you look closer at “The Dragon’s” eyes, they are without emotion. He would definitely help kill the victim. Then go out for drinks while Rory hides the body.

The main reason people are picking Romero is citing Machida being old. These people do not know that Romero is older than Machida. How much older? We do not know. Cuba is notorious for not caring about documenting ages. Romero could be as old as fifty-years or more.

Also, everyone knows that dragons age very well. Couple that with Romero’s best win being heavily aided and abetted by a stool and some conveniently over-applied Vaseline and it all leads to a Machida TKO win.

I have it on good authority that Machida has hired Jake Shields to watch Romero’s stool all fight weekend to make sure nothing smells suspicious.

Prediction: Machida via a TKO in the second round because he is the master of distance and space, and he is a dragon, so Game of Thrones.

Santiago “Gente Boa” Ponzinibbio vs Lorenzo “The Monsoon” Larkin

In their UFC pictures it is clear that the “Gente Boa” has more tattoos than “The Monsoon” and he looks much tougher. Larkin looks like he would be the victim to the murder committed by Rory and Santiago.

One factor about this fight is how the two fighters got their nicknames. They both earned them in the bedroom. Larkin is called “The Monsoon” because he is a squirter. While, Ponzinibbio is called “Gente Boa” which means, “Giant Boa” which, I think explains itself.

It is important for the fans to keep this fight classy and keep their eyes above the waist of the two fighters this weekend. Of course if either of them is hit “south of the border” then it will be shown over and over on TV and we will have no choice but to watch and groan.

Prediction: This is Ponzinibbio’s second fight against fighters who’s first and last names start with the same letters. This is his second win in a row over such a fighter via UD.

Antonio “Cara de Sapato” Carlos Junior vs Eddie “Truck” Gordon

This is going to be a FOTN contender. Both look like they would assist Rory in the kill and hiding of the body.

They both have imposing nicknames. Gordon goes by “Truck” which is big and intimidating in any language. While the Brazilian Carlos Junior Hamburger chain heir is known by “Cara de Sapato” to his fellow Brazilians. “Cara de Sapato” which means “powerful moustached man” strikes a fearsome pose where ever he goes.

A mustached man can drive a truck but he can also be hit be one. In this case he will be driving the truck right out of the UFC.

Prediction: Look for Carlos Junior to put a whopping on Gordon and securing a submission in the second round.

Thiago “Marreta” Santos vs Steve “The Boss” Bosse

This could get ugly quick. Bosse has a lot of tattoos but that does not stop him from looking like a victim of Rory’s revenge. His opponent Santos looks like he might have already disposed of a couple of his own bodies.

While I am a fan of the simple nicknames Bosse betrays his insecurities with his. By not using his own spelling of Bosse for the nickname he is clearly indicating that his subconscious does not feel worthy. His career has been aided so far by giving him many opponents with losing records so he could feel good about himself.

That will all go away when he faces Santos as “The Boss” is tailored made for him. In Brazil “Marreta” means, “you are not the boss of me” and that will show in this fight.

Prediction: “The Boss” finds out that it is not so boss in Hollywood for him. I like Santos via a TKO/KO in the second round.

Hacran Dias vs Levan “The Hornet” Makashvili

At first glance Makashvili looks like the tougher fighter and he would start helping Rory in the kill but then his temper would get the best of him and Rory would end killing him to shut Makashvili up.

Which is in keeping with his nickname “The Hornet.” A hornet is a bug that can sting you and annoy you but they are not lethal. At some point you end up just swatting them dead. As bad as no nickname having a bad nickname is worse. If he was a hornet with a color like “The Red Hornet” it might be intimidating.

Makashvili’s opponent Hacran Dias does not have a nickname because he does not need one. His name sounds like a nickname itself and in English it means “Hornet Swatter” which will come in handy in this fight. Also if your last name is Dias or Diaz no nickname is necessary.

Prediction: I am always down with a Dias who will out-grapple the wrestler to take a UD.

Alex “Cowboy” Oliveira vs Joe “Joey Slash” Merritt

These two look like they would compete by killing each other to help Rory kill someone else. Oliveira has the tattoos while Merritt has the ripply muscles. Both look intimidating.

What else looks intimidating is Merritt’s 6-0 record until to take a closer looker at it. The combined record of his opponents is 11-30 and that is not good. Apparently “Joey Slash” is about slashing up fighters with losing records. He now has a stronger challenger in front of him, one that will merit his best effort.

In the UFC these days it is smart to go with a “Cowboy” and when you look at his fighter page the crazy eyes jump out at you. That is a winning combination against a slasher. Also Oliveira has beaten K.J. Noons who is a legit fighter. Also, Noons looks like a gangster from a 1940’s Film Noir.

Prediction: Oliveira via submission in the first round after hurting him in the standup.

Leandro “Buscape” Silva vs Lewis “Lethal” Gonzalez

Again a great matchup here that could easily steal the show on this night. Both are strong grapplers but Silva has faced much better competition than Gonzalez. Look some good back-and-forth action early and then Silva will take over. He also looks like he would help Rory take out Gonzalez.

Also “Buscape” is the type of cape a mythological Brazilian Super Hero wears while defending the people would ride buses in Brazil. It also means the unseen tap in Brazil but since this fight is in Hollywood the referee will need to see an actual tap.

Prediction: Silva via third round submission.

Steve “The Creepy Weasel” Montgomery vs Tony “2.0” Sims

This is an easy fight to predict. When you have one fighter with the name “The Creepy Weasel” taking on someone called “2.0” you have to go with the creepy one. The person that calls themselves “The Creepy Weasel” gives exactly zero fucks.

“The Creepy Weasel” also has a serial killer haircut. If anything he would not even need Rory to go out for some killin time of a Saturday night for a little fun. Also Montgomery is a natural welterweight and Sims usually fights a lightweight.

Prediction: The bigger Montgomery TKO’s Sims late in the first round.

Danny “The Gremlin” Martinez vs Sirwan “Zohan” Kakai

Taking the name of an Adam Sandler character usually does not end well for fighters in the UFC. Kakai will continue that tradition in his debut. Kakai’s debut is also coming in the state he now trains in, adding to the pressure of this fight for him as a Swedish transplant to represent American Top Team.

Martinez meanwhile will also be desperate as “The Gremlin” is fighting for his spot in the UFC. This would be his third loss in a row in the UFC and that will likely get him released in the next round of cuts.

Prediction: Martinez channels his inner Rory and takes a UD.