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The Fight Wolff’s Fearless Post-Fight Awards for UFC Fight Night 69 Berlin

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image via UFC

The UFC gave out their bonuses for UFC Fight Night 69. Arnold Allen scored a bonus for his submission win over Alan Omer and Mairbek Taisumov received one for his TKO of Alan Patrick. It was not a good night to spell your name Alan which is ironic because in German, Alan means ‘goodnight.’

The final two bonuses went to Joanna Jedrzejczyk and Jessica Penne. It was not for FOTN. That would have implied that it was a back and forth battle. Penne earned her bonus for being one of the tougher people alive. While Jedrzejczyk earned her’s for being able to deliver one hell of an ass-kicking.

While my awards do not unfortunately come with any cash, there is a certain kind of prestige in winning one. They are a little different. They are the ones that others are too afraid to give out.

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The Arya Stark Precise Destruction Award

In the season finale Game of Thrones, Arya Stark crossed a name off of her famous list when she methodically killed Meryn Trant. It was brutal and left Meryn a bloody mess. Joanna Champion just crossed off the latest contender in Penne leaving her a bloody mess and asked, “Who’s next?” She then emphatically reminded everyone that no one is going to take her belt.

Both Arya and Joanna are also very likable while being more than capable of precisely picking you apart. Anya’s sword is named ‘Needle’ and she wields it with precision. Joanna is also slender and she strikes with incredible accuracy.

According to the UFC’s website she landed 162 of 247 overall strikes which was good enough for sixty-six percent. She also landed 126 of 204 significant strikes equally sixty-two percent. The results were evident all over Penne’s face.

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The Gregor Clegane Aka The Mountain Comeback Award

In this case size does not matter. This award is not directly celebrating ‘The Mountain’s’ impressively massive size. Instead it is about his comeback over Oberyn Martell in season four.

In that battle Oberyn is defeating Gregor and has him down one the ground poised to finish him off. Instead one mistake costs Oberyn certain victory and Gregor crushes his skull in one of the more visceral scenes on the show.

Arnold “Almighty” Allen’s win over Alan Omer did not include anyone getting their skull crushed at the end. However, it did include a big comeback. Triple A lost the first round. He lost the second round. He was on his way to losing the third round when suddenly Omer made one mistake. Triple A seized it locking up a guillotine choke and the win.

Let us hope Triple A does not become the victim of some weird Frankenstein like experiment.

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The Lucas Hood Ability to Take an Ass-kicking Award

On Banshee, one of the things that Lucas Hood is famous for is ability to absorb punishment still try to find a way to win. Now, he does not always win every fight and he just gets his ass-kicked but always comes back.

This goes to Penne for the punishment she took in her fight with Joanna Champion and kept trying to fight back. At the end of the first round she got Jedrzejzcyk down for a moment. Then in the second she was able to climb up on the back of Jedrzejzcyk as the round ended.

Penne was not close to winning this fight at any point but she never stopped trying. It was a tremendous display of heart and toughness.

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The Juicy-Juice Juice Box Two-Pack Award

This goes to Tatsuya “The Crusher” Kawajiri and Dennis “Spinning Shit” Siver. I am not saying that they are definitely using PED’s but if you asked which two fighters look like they are using them  would pick these two.

Siver’s past transgressions and physique for this fight will always have fans wondering if he is or isn’t using. Especially, when he comes out looking so ripped at his age, but he had nothing on Kawajiri in that department.

If anything Kawajiri looked more ripped than Siver. You do not expect fighters to get more ripped as they age but somehow these two did just that.

The Waiting For Godot Award

One of the classic lines about Waiting For Godot is that it is a play where nothing happens twice. The Nick Hein and Lukasz Sajewski fight is one where very little happened in the three rounds.

The two fighters combined to land 101 of 234 strikes. Joanna Champion eclipsed those numbers by herself in less than three rounds. After a simply scintillating set of prelim fights this one sucked some of the life out of the night. Fortunately, Peter Sobotta’s quick submission of Steven Kennedy in the very next fight got the crowd back up.

The Nice to See You, Sorry, You Have to Go Award 

This goes to Ulka Sasaki who had an exciting UFC debut when he submitted Roland Delorme. Sasaki then went on get submitted himself in his next fight. This TKO loss to Taylor Lapilus was probably Sasaki’s last fight in the UFC.

Saski entered the UFC with a lot of hype at 17-0-2 and then seemed to justify it with his first impressive win. Much of the hype was centered around his height which at 5’10” is tall for bantamweight but it did not help him in this fight. Look for him to be amongst the next cuts the UFC makes.

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The Dr. Feelgood Award

So far Makwan “Mr. Finland” Amirkhani is 2-0 in the UFC with two quick finishes. His flying knee finish of Andy Ogle and post-fight smiles and interviews left fans feeling good after his debut back in January. For his return to the octagon he also gave the fans another exciting but fast finish submitting Masio Fullen in the first round.

That alone would have won him an award but his touching post-fight interview in the octagon was simply beautiful. Without saying almost any words you see and feel the love and sacrifice that Amirkhani had put into this fight. He searched around the arena looking for his mother and family. When he found them it brought smiles and tears of joy to many fans watching.

It seems like it impossible for Amirkhani to show up at a UFC event and not make everyone smile. For that he gets the Dr. Feelgood.

Several others almost earned awards but close is not good enough when it comes the Fight Wolff’s Post-Fight Awards. Up next is the part Mystery Bag card that is UFC Fight Night Hollywood. While there are several fights still to be announced for the card I get the feeling the main event between Lyoto Machida and Yoel Romero will produce at least one award winner – if not more.

An avid lifetime fight fan who loves to write about it. So kick back, get comfortable and let's have some fun! "Wants me to tell him something pretty." Al Sweargen "Going wrong is not the end of fucking things, Johnny. Fuck no! I have comeback from plenty of shit that looked like it was going wrong." Dan Dority "Deserve's got nothin' to do with it." Bill Munny

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